NICE TRY, ROOKIE!
MY CAT PLAYS BETTER THAN THIS.
GAME OVER, GO GRAB A COFFEE.
WASH YOUR HANDS, THEY ARE SLIPPERY!
ARE YOU EVEN TRYING?
SNAKE 1 - YOU 0.
GO BACK TO MINESWEEPER!
WAS THAT A LAG OR JUST A "MOVE"?
YOU MOVE LIKE A TURTLE IN REVERSE!
REST IN PIECES, DEAR SNAKE.
SNAKE.EXE STOPPED WORKING.
INSERT COIN TO CONTINUE... JUST KIDDING!
MAYBE TRY A JOYSTICK NEXT TIME?
YOU CALL THAT STEERING?
THE WALLS ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS!
SNAKE LIVES MATTER, STOP KILLING THEM!
BETTER LUCK NEXT CENTURY.
ERROR 404: SKILL NOT FOUND.
IS THE REMOTE UPSIDE DOWN?
THAT WAS PAINFUL TO WATCH, BUT FUNNY!
YOU HIT THE WALL LIKE A PRO!
TIME FOR A REBOOT?
YOUR SNAKE IS EMBARRASSED.
DID YOU FALL ASLEEP ON THE BUTTON?
GO PLAY SOMETHING EASIER... LIKE ROCK-PAPER-SISSORS.
SYSTEM REJECTED YOUR MOVES!
PATHETIC BUT ADORABLE!
SNAKE RETIRED DUE TO POOR MANAGEMENT.
GET SOME SLEEP, YOU NEED BETTER REFLEXES.
I'VE SEEN GLITCHES FASTER THAN YOU!
CONGRATS! YOU JUST DISCOVERED THE WALL.
STOP! THE WALL IS NOT AN ITEM!
EVEN A POTATO HAS FASTER REFLEXES.
WANTED: PLAYER WITH BETTER TIMING.
ERROR 404: COORDINATION NOT FOUND.
IS THE SCREEN TURNED ON?
YOU MAKE THE TURTLE LOOK LIKE A FERRARI.
SNAKE SAYS: 'PLEASE GIVE THE REMOTE TO SOMEONE ELSE.'
I'D SAY YOU'RE BAD, BUT I LIKE YOU TOO MUCH.
DO YOU NEED A MAP TO FIND THE NEXT TURN?
GIVE UP, THE WALL ALWAYS WINS.
THE SNAKE IS CRYING IN PIXELS RIGHT NOW.
NICE JOB! FOR A BEGINNER...
IF LOSING WAS AN ART, YOU'D BE PICASSO.
YOU ARE THE 'LAG' IN REAL LIFE.
PLEASE REBOOT YOUR BRAIN AND TRY AGAIN.
SNAKE.EXE HAS ENCOUNTERED A USER ERROR.
DO YOU NEED A COMPASS OR JUST A COFFEE?
ARE YOU PLAYING WITH A STEERING WHEEL?
THAT WASN'T A GAME, THAT WAS A TRAGEDY.
YOUR REACTION TIME IS MEASURED IN DAYS!
CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING THE WALL'S BEST FRIEND!
SNAKE LIVES ARE VALUABLE, STOP WASTING THEM.
YOU SHOULD TRY PLAYING WITH YOUR EYES OPEN!
IS THAT YOUR FINAL ANSWER? BECAUSE IT SUCKS!
THE SNAKE JUST ASKED FOR A RESTRAINING ORDER.
YOU ARE OFFICIALLY THE 'GAME OVER' CHAMPION.
DID YOU GET STUCK IN THE LOADING SCREEN OF LIFE?
TRY TURNING THE REMOTE 180 DEGREES.
YOUR SNAKE JUST UNINSTALLED ITSELF.
THE ONLY THING YOU HIT IS THE BOTTOM OF THE LIST.
WOW! THAT WAS... ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE.
GO BACK TO WATCHING PAINT DRY, IT'S SAFER.
SNAKE SAYS: 'I'M NOT WITH HIM!'
YOUR HIGH SCORE IS BASICALLY A TYPO.
DID YOU THINK THE WALL WAS A PORTAL?
ERROR: SKILL NOT DETECTED IN THIS AREA.
YOU MOVE LIKE A GLITCHED NPC!
MAYBE THE SNAKE IS HUNGRY FOR A BETTER PLAYER.
THAT WAS A SHORT STORY, VERY SHORT.
SNAKE IS NOW IN THERAPY BECAUSE OF YOU.
IS YOUR CONTROLLER MADE OF CHEESE?
YOU HIT THAT WALL LIKE IT OWED YOU MONEY!
I'VE SEEN FAST FORWARDING SLOWER THAN YOU.
THE WALL IS UNDEFEATED AGAINST YOU.
TRY TO AIM FOR THE FOOD, NOT THE EDGE!
YOUR SNAKE JUST LOGGED OFF.
WANTED: A PLAYER WHO CAN ACTUALLY TURN.
THAT WAS A 1-STAR PERFORMANCE.
SNAKE IS LOOKING FOR A NEW OWNER.
GAME OVER? MORE LIKE GAME NEVER STARTED!
YOU ARE THE REASON SNAKES HATE HUMANS.
BRAVO! YOU HIT THE ONLY THING YOU SHOULD HAVE AVOIDED.
DO YOU NEED A SLOWER GAME? MAYBE CHESS?
I'VE SEEN WINDOWS UPDATES FASTER THAN YOUR TURNS.
YOUR REFLEXES ARE STILL IN THE 90S.
THE WALL JUST SENT YOU A FRIEND REQUEST.
ARE YOU CONTROLLING THE SNAKE WITH YOUR ELBOW?
YOU ARE GOING DOWN IN HISTORY... FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS.
IS THIS A SPEEDRUN FOR THE QUICKEST DEATH?
YOUR SNAKE JUST FIRED YOU.
NICE TRY, BUT THE WALL IS UNMOVABLE.
I'VE SEEN SCREENSAVERS WITH BETTER TIMING.
YOU MAKE THE 'GAME OVER' SCREEN LOOK FAMILIAR.
DID YOU FORGET WHICH BUTTON IS WHICH?
YOUR BRAIN IS ON A BREAK, ISN'T IT?
YOU CRASHED HARDER THAN A WINDOWS VISTA PC.
SNAKE SAYS: 'I GIVE UP, YOU ARE HOPELESS!'
ARE YOU PLAYING VIA MAIL? BECAUSE THAT DELAY IS HUGE!
YOUR MOVES ARE AS PREDICTABLE AS A CIRCLE.
THE WALL IS YOUR ONLY TRUE ACCOMPLISHMENT.
YOU JUST BROKE THE RECORD FOR THE WORST TURN!
SNAKE IS NOW APPLYING FOR A TRANSFER.
ARE YOU TRYING TO PAINT THE BORDER WITH YOUR SNAKE?
EVEN MY GRANDMA HAS BETTER JOYSTICK SKILLS.
THAT WASN'T LUCK, THAT WAS PURE COMEDY!
YOU ARE THE MVP OF HITTING OBSTACLES.
SNAKE JUST ASKED FOR A BETTER PILOT.
IS YOUR TV DELAYED BY FIVE MINUTES?
YOU ARE TO GAMING WHAT WATER IS TO FIRE.
CONGRATS ON ANOTHER SPECTACULAR FAILURE!
STOP BULLYING THE WALL WITH YOUR FACE!
SNAKE JUST DISCONNECTED FROM REALITY.